(clever title here)

xopachi:

skwinky:

lntruding:


Have you ever been to earth?
On earth, we use the word “burrito” to describe a tortilla filled with things you eat. Pretty simple stuff, and I’m surprised you at least got that part right. My burrito was, in fact, filled with food. In this, you and I agree and are friends. But this is also where my lifelong hatred begins for you and anyone else whose brain has been repeatedly scrubbed with the same mixture of bleach and Pop Rocks as yours has. Because that should have killed you, but left you around long enough to do what you did to me today. Let me explain:
You’re an idiot.
Let me further explain:
Burritos are eaten from one end to the other. So that means when you assemble a burrito with motherfucking ZONES of ingredients going that direction, you create a disgusting experience for the burrito’s end user. When you make a burrito, you should put the ingredients in layerslengthwise. That way, every bite has AT LEAST A FUCKING CHANCE of getting at least two types of ingredients, and there is little chance of becoming almost hopelessly trapped in a goddamned cilantro cavern.
Have you ever eaten one of the things you make all fucking day? You should try one. They are pretty good WHEN YOU ARE NOT WILLING YOURSELF THROUGH THE FUCKING EMPIRE OF SOUR CREAM ONLY TO END UP IN LETTUCE COUNTRY.
When you eat a burrito, you don’t stand it up and bite down on it lengthwise like a fucking Rancor. Humans can’t usually dislocate their jaws, and I’m not a fucking pelican. But you must think that’s how it’s done, since that would be THE ONLY FUCKING WAY to take a bite of your crapstrosity and have it taste like a burrito.
And guess what else, player? You probably can’t guess anything, because I’m pretty sure you’re just a mop with a hat on it that fell over and spilled some shit into a tortilla, but just in case, here’s what:
Humans also don’t eat burritos like fucking corn on the cob. Like a fucking typewriter from one end to the other a little at a time and then DING next line. But today I wish I had tried that. Because at least THEN I would be able to eat some rice, then beans, then be all like HEY BEANS I’LL BE RIGHT BACK JUST GOING OVER HERE TO THE GUACAMOLE FOR A SECOND.
Nope.
My experience was more like HEY BEANS IT’S JUST GOING TO BE YOU AND I FOR A MINUTE UNTIL I CAN FUCKING EXCAVATE THE RICE FROM BENEATH YOU BUT BY THEN YOU WILL BE A FADING MEMORY OH HEY I WAS WRONG I’M IN THE FUCKING CHEESEOSPHERE NOW RICE MUST BE NEXT I HOPE IT’S NOT ANOTHER FUCKING SALSA POCKET.
You built this thing like a fucking pack of LifeSavers.
And don’t even fucking think I’m about to open this shit up and re-engineer your nonsense 90 degrees. I ALREADY PUT A HOLE IN IT WITH MY FUCKING MOUTH. YEAH. THAT’S HOW I DISCOVERED YOU FUCKING SUCK AT LOOKING AT THINGS. I AM NOT GOING TO DO FUCKING TORTILLA ORIGAMI TO GET THIS SHIT BACK TOGETHER, ONLY TO END UP WITH A BURRITO THAT’S BEEN SHOT IN THE GUT AND IS BLEEDING YOUR INEPTITUDE.
What’s that? I should ask you to mix it up first next time? IS THIS JAMBA JUICE? I DON’T WANT TO DRINK MY FUCKING BURRITO THROUGH A BENDY STRAW, AND I DON’T WANT A PILE OF BURRITO SOUP IN A FLOUR CAN.
I just want a burrito.
In conclusion:
You’re the worst thing that has ever happened to the universe, you owe everyone everywhere an apology for this burritobomination, and I hope your babies look like monkeys.



UPDATE FOR EVERYONE WHO SAID “JUST EAT IT WITH A FORK”:
A fucking fork?
I DIDN’T ORDER THE FUCKING COBBURRITO SALAD.
If anyone ever handed me a burrito with a fork, THEY WOULD BE WEARING A BRAND NEW BURRITO HAT FROM MY FALL COLLECTION TEN SECONDS LATER.
That’s like buying a car and having them hand you a fucking wrench with the keys. Like YEAH WE KNOW THIS MOTHERFUCKER’S GOING TO EXPLODE AND BE SPREAD ACROSS EIGHT LANES AS SOON AS YOU HIT THE GAS, BUT SHIT, WE GAVE YOU A WRENCH, SO BE COOL.
Jesus already gave me two burrito forks. One at the end of each arm. They’re called fucking HANDS.
A fork. My god. I haven’t cried since I was six, but I’m fucking sobbing now.
People eat burritos with forks?
God is sorry he made us.
(Source)


I always need this on my blog.

I can’t be laughing this hard in the morning. 

xopachi:

skwinky:

lntruding:

Have you ever been to earth?

On earth, we use the word “burrito” to describe a tortilla filled with things you eat. Pretty simple stuff, and I’m surprised you at least got that part right. My burrito was, in fact, filled with food. In this, you and I agree and are friends. But this is also where my lifelong hatred begins for you and anyone else whose brain has been repeatedly scrubbed with the same mixture of bleach and Pop Rocks as yours has. Because that should have killed you, but left you around long enough to do what you did to me today. Let me explain:

You’re an idiot.

Let me further explain:

Burritos are eaten from one end to the other. So that means when you assemble a burrito with motherfucking ZONES of ingredients going that direction, you create a disgusting experience for the burrito’s end user. When you make a burrito, you should put the ingredients in layerslengthwise. That way, every bite has AT LEAST A FUCKING CHANCE of getting at least two types of ingredients, and there is little chance of becoming almost hopelessly trapped in a goddamned cilantro cavern.

Have you ever eaten one of the things you make all fucking day? You should try one. They are pretty good WHEN YOU ARE NOT WILLING YOURSELF THROUGH THE FUCKING EMPIRE OF SOUR CREAM ONLY TO END UP IN LETTUCE COUNTRY.

When you eat a burrito, you don’t stand it up and bite down on it lengthwise like a fucking Rancor. Humans can’t usually dislocate their jaws, and I’m not a fucking pelican. But you must think that’s how it’s done, since that would be THE ONLY FUCKING WAY to take a bite of your crapstrosity and have it taste like a burrito.

And guess what else, player? You probably can’t guess anything, because I’m pretty sure you’re just a mop with a hat on it that fell over and spilled some shit into a tortilla, but just in case, here’s what:

Humans also don’t eat burritos like fucking corn on the cob. Like a fucking typewriter from one end to the other a little at a time and then DING next line. But today I wish I had tried that. Because at least THEN I would be able to eat some rice, then beans, then be all like HEY BEANS I’LL BE RIGHT BACK JUST GOING OVER HERE TO THE GUACAMOLE FOR A SECOND.

Nope.

My experience was more like HEY BEANS IT’S JUST GOING TO BE YOU AND I FOR A MINUTE UNTIL I CAN FUCKING EXCAVATE THE RICE FROM BENEATH YOU BUT BY THEN YOU WILL BE A FADING MEMORY OH HEY I WAS WRONG I’M IN THE FUCKING CHEESEOSPHERE NOW RICE MUST BE NEXT I HOPE IT’S NOT ANOTHER FUCKING SALSA POCKET.

You built this thing like a fucking pack of LifeSavers.

And don’t even fucking think I’m about to open this shit up and re-engineer your nonsense 90 degrees. I ALREADY PUT A HOLE IN IT WITH MY FUCKING MOUTH. YEAH. THAT’S HOW I DISCOVERED YOU FUCKING SUCK AT LOOKING AT THINGS. I AM NOT GOING TO DO FUCKING TORTILLA ORIGAMI TO GET THIS SHIT BACK TOGETHER, ONLY TO END UP WITH A BURRITO THAT’S BEEN SHOT IN THE GUT AND IS BLEEDING YOUR INEPTITUDE.

What’s that? I should ask you to mix it up first next time? IS THIS JAMBA JUICE? I DON’T WANT TO DRINK MY FUCKING BURRITO THROUGH A BENDY STRAW, AND I DON’T WANT A PILE OF BURRITO SOUP IN A FLOUR CAN.

I just want a burrito.

In conclusion:

You’re the worst thing that has ever happened to the universe, you owe everyone everywhere an apology for this burritobomination, and I hope your babies look like monkeys.


UPDATE FOR EVERYONE WHO SAID “JUST EAT IT WITH A FORK”:

A fucking fork?

I DIDN’T ORDER THE FUCKING COBBURRITO SALAD.

If anyone ever handed me a burrito with a fork, THEY WOULD BE WEARING A BRAND NEW BURRITO HAT FROM MY FALL COLLECTION TEN SECONDS LATER.

That’s like buying a car and having them hand you a fucking wrench with the keys. Like YEAH WE KNOW THIS MOTHERFUCKER’S GOING TO EXPLODE AND BE SPREAD ACROSS EIGHT LANES AS SOON AS YOU HIT THE GAS, BUT SHIT, WE GAVE YOU A WRENCH, SO BE COOL.

Jesus already gave me two burrito forks. One at the end of each arm. They’re called fucking HANDS.

A fork. My god. I haven’t cried since I was six, but I’m fucking sobbing now.

People eat burritos with forks?

God is sorry he made us.

(Source)

I always need this on my blog.

I can’t be laughing this hard in the morning. 

(via whatsortoftimedoyoucallthis)

Taking commissions again for fall.

gearsmoke:

Looking for work for the upcoming months.  Con badges, button designs, graphics for websites, Anything you like.  I work on an hourly basis.

Anthros, fantasy, monsters, humans, elves, whatever.  G-XXX, any genders.

So if you or someone you know needs a little artwork done, please let me know.  Thanks! :)

billykaploser:

tumblr is currently a place for people not at comic-con to sit and wait for pictures of comic-con to be posted. then cry about how we are not at comic-con.  

(via downcomethewallsofjericho)

edgebug:

does anyone else have nightmares about driving a car and slamming on the brakes and the car not stopping? because i sure do. like, literally standing on the brakes and the car just keeps on careening down the road hahaha fun dreams. so fun. ha ha.

I’ve had that one before.  Literally standing on the brakes, it slows down, but won’t seem to actually stop.

DC: Wonder Woman is too difficult to find a movie audience for-

Marvel: YO YOU LIKE BLACK WIDOW? HERE SHE IS IN THE NEXT CAPTAIN AMERICA MOVIE WITH A TON OF SCREENTIME AND MAJOR ASSKICKING SKILLS

DC: We can't allow the lesbians in Batwoman to get married in the comic, sorry.

Marvel: HEY GUESS WHAT WE'RE GONNA FEATURE A GAY WEDDING ON THE COVER OF AN X-MEN ISSUE

DC: The new direction for storytelling needs to be dark, gritty, mature and cynical.

Marvel: DUDE CHECK IT OUT LOKI GOES SPEED DATING IS THAT NOT THE BEST SHIT EVER

DC: After years of rumors, the Superman/Batman movie is finally coming, but with a new actor and suit for Batman and MAYBE a cameo from Wonder Woman.

Marvel: PHASE 2 MOTHERFUCKERS EVERYONE IS IN EVERYONE'S MOVIE AND THERE AIN'T NO STOPPIN US NOW

DC: We can try to add maybe one or two 'people of color' to our lineup...maybe...

Marvel: NEW MS MARVEL THAT'S MUSLIM AMERICAN, BITCHES.

DC: We feel no problem with Batman's vengeful personality being like wet cardboard.

Marvel: NEW LATINA GHOST RIDER WHO SEEKS VENGEANCE WHILE TAKING HIS AWEET LIL BRO FOR ICE CREAM

DC: We can't mention any superhero titles in our movies, that's ridiculous.

Marvel: FUCK YEAH YOU WANT A RACOON VOICED BY BRADLEY COOPER WITH A GIANT GUN? YOU WANT VIN DIESEL PLAYING A TREE? AMY FUCKING POND PLAYING A SEXY BALD SPACE PIRATE? HERE YOU FUCKERS GO

DC: Our fanbase is mostly white males, I'm sure our focus is-

Marvel: NEW SHE HULK LINE WHERE SHE GOES TO COURT THEN SAVES NEW YORK

DC: Wait-

Marvel: NEW FEMALE THOR

DC: I didn't-

Marvel: NEW BLACK CAPTAIN AMERICA

Marvel: TAKE ALL THIS COOL SHIT MARVEL BE OUTIE

Marvel: PEACE

why are bats stigmatized as being creepy?

bodypartss:

elfpen:

I mean

look at these things

image

they’re like tiny

image

fluffy

image

dragons

image

but instead of breathing fire they squeak and cuddle 

image

in caves

image

and leaves

image

and they have funny ears and noses

image

I mean really

image

bats are amazing

image

This post is so fucking important to me

(via rocksmediabetus)

curiouslyhigh:

hexmaniacwingy:

coelasquid:

tentakrule:

elizabethplaid:

Currently taking the Can we guess who you are in 20 questions? thing, because a couple friends took it. So does this ball pit look like fun? I can’t look at ball pits the same way again after seeing the kerfluffle of DashCon 2014.
Edit: My quiz results were mostly wrong.

Here is our best guess at who you are:  1. You are male.  2. You are still a teenager, but won’t be one for very much longer.  3. You’re in college and are already worried about finding the perfect job that will be both fulfilling and will pay well. Your future worries you more than you’d like to admit.  4. You have beautiful, silky brown hair and big eyes.  5. You know that if you’d only believe in yourself more, things would be much easier for you. Yet you still doubt your instincts more than you should, instead of trusting them every time.


1. You are female.2. You are currently in your mid fifties.3. You have a wonderful big family and a deep loving connection with your lifelong partner.4. You have Short hair, light colored eyes and stylish glasses. 5. You have long ago decided to live every minute to the fullest. Your life experiences taught you that no moment should be wasted on something or someone you don’t love.
it got #4 right so that’s 1/5 good job quizilla

1. You are male. 2. You are in currently in your mid 30’s.3. You are married and just became a parent. You are experiencing exciting days, and more are on their way, but through it all you remain strong, loving and deeply caring. 4. You have short hair - partly gray, brown eyes and a fit body.5. You decided long ago that your kids must have a better childhood than the one you had. You know you’ll do anything to make sure of that.

1. You are female.
2. You are currently in your mid thirties.
3. You have a great job that you don’t necessarily appreciate as much as you should. You do, however, appreciate the great life partner that you have and your caring friends. 
4. You have short blonde hair, gray eyes and a naturally tan skin tone. 
5. You have 2 kids. Currently thinking whether or not to have a third one
Well 1 out of 5 ain’t bad.

1. You are male. 2. You are in currently in your mid 30’s.3. You are married and just became a parent. You are experiencing exciting days, and more are on their way, but through it all you remain strong, loving and deeply caring. 4. You have short hair - partly gray, brown eyes and a fit body.5. You decided long ago that your kids must have a better childhood than the one you had. You know you’ll do anything to make sure of that.

1. You are male.2. You are still a teenager, but won’t be one for very much longer. 3. You’re in college and are already worried about finding the perfect job that will be both fulfilling and will pay well. Your future worries you more than you’d like to admit.4. You have beautiful, silky brown hair and big eyes. 5. You know that if you’d only believe in yourself more, things would be much easier for you. Yet you still doubt your instincts more than you should, instead of trusting them every time.
So number 5 is right.

curiouslyhigh:

hexmaniacwingy:

coelasquid:

tentakrule:

elizabethplaid:

Currently taking the Can we guess who you are in 20 questions? thing, because a couple friends took it. So does this ball pit look like fun? I can’t look at ball pits the same way again after seeing the kerfluffle of DashCon 2014.

Edit: My quiz results were mostly wrong.

Here is our best guess at who you are:
1. You are male.
2. You are still a teenager, but won’t be one for very much longer.
3. You’re in college and are already worried about finding the perfect job that will be both fulfilling and will pay well. Your future worries you more than you’d like to admit.
4. You have beautiful, silky brown hair and big eyes.
5. You know that if you’d only believe in yourself more, things would be much easier for you. Yet you still doubt your instincts more than you should, instead of trusting them every time.

1. You are female.
2. You are currently in your mid fifties.
3. You have a wonderful big family and a deep loving connection with your lifelong partner.
4. You have Short hair, light colored eyes and stylish glasses. 
5. You have long ago decided to live every minute to the fullest. Your life experiences taught you that no moment should be wasted on something or someone you don’t love.

it got #4 right so that’s 1/5 good job quizilla

1. You are male. 
2. You are in currently in your mid 30’s.
3. You are married and just became a parent. You are experiencing exciting days, and more are on their way, but through it all you remain strong, loving and deeply caring. 
4. You have short hair - partly gray, brown eyes and a fit body.
5. You decided long ago that your kids must have a better childhood than the one you had. You know you’ll do anything to make sure of that.

1. You are female.

2. You are currently in your mid thirties.

3. You have a great job that you don’t necessarily appreciate as much as you should. You do, however, appreciate the great life partner that you have and your caring friends. 

4. You have short blonde hair, gray eyes and a naturally tan skin tone. 

5. You have 2 kids. Currently thinking whether or not to have a third one

Well 1 out of 5 ain’t bad.

1. You are male. 
2. You are in currently in your mid 30’s.
3. You are married and just became a parent. You are experiencing exciting days, and more are on their way, but through it all you remain strong, loving and deeply caring. 
4. You have short hair - partly gray, brown eyes and a fit body.
5. You decided long ago that your kids must have a better childhood than the one you had. You know you’ll do anything to make sure of that.

1. You are male.
2. You are still a teenager, but won’t be one for very much longer. 
3. You’re in college and are already worried about finding the perfect job that will be both fulfilling and will pay well. Your future worries you more than you’d like to admit.
4. You have beautiful, silky brown hair and big eyes. 
5. You know that if you’d only believe in yourself more, things would be much easier for you. Yet you still doubt your instincts more than you should, instead of trusting them every time.

So number 5 is right.

vulcannic:

If this post gets 15k notes before september then I’ll wear my starfleet gold command shirt for my school picture

(via the-nestene-consciousness)

thatonepsychoticbitch:

radio-freedunmovin:

the-elderscrolls:

Polish doctor that refused to perform abortion named a “hero”
Dr Bogdan Chazan was visited by an expecting mother (32 weeks into pregnancy), who already had 5 miscarriages before and was worried about her health. It turned out that the fetus had hydrocephalus, undeveloped brain and was missing many bones from its skull. The Doctor refused to perform an abortion and didn’t send the woman to another hospital which could do so (according to polish law, if a doctor doesn’t want to perform an abortion, he has to choose another hospital which will agree to do so). Chazan was named a “local hero” and “true warrior of Jesus in the name of life of the unborn” by many polish politicians and catholic activists. He used conscience clause as an excuse for his actions.
The woman gave birth to the child through a C-section. She and her husband spent 10 painful days watching their deformed child die a horrible death. When she finally decided to speak out, she said:
“During these 10 days, no priest, no pro life activist or even dr Chazan came to see the child, to ask if they can help. It was really hard to look at our child. We knew what was coming, but it was still very hard to cope with”
Congratulations, pro-lifers - another “life” saved, another “happy” child and “happy” family. 

This is bullshit. This man is not a hero.

this makes me so angry.

thatonepsychoticbitch:

radio-freedunmovin:

the-elderscrolls:

Polish doctor that refused to perform abortion named a “hero”

Dr Bogdan Chazan was visited by an expecting mother (32 weeks into pregnancy), who already had 5 miscarriages before and was worried about her health. It turned out that the fetus had hydrocephalus, undeveloped brain and was missing many bones from its skull. The Doctor refused to perform an abortion and didn’t send the woman to another hospital which could do so (according to polish law, if a doctor doesn’t want to perform an abortion, he has to choose another hospital which will agree to do so). Chazan was named a “local hero” and “true warrior of Jesus in the name of life of the unborn” by many polish politicians and catholic activists. He used conscience clause as an excuse for his actions.

The woman gave birth to the child through a C-section. She and her husband spent 10 painful days watching their deformed child die a horrible death. When she finally decided to speak out, she said:

During these 10 days, no priest, no pro life activist or even dr Chazan came to see the child, to ask if they can help. It was really hard to look at our child. We knew what was coming, but it was still very hard to cope with

Congratulations, pro-lifers - another “life” saved, another “happy” child and “happy” family. 

This is bullshit. This man is not a hero.

this makes me so angry.

(via mistressofthefags)

kiaito:

GOOD R-18 OF THE FAV CHARACTER

image

(via mistressofthefags)

doing an experiment. Reblog if you aren’t wearing shoes

cityrauhl:

thursdaysangel-tuesdaysdemon:

destiels-wayward-daughter:

dudewheresmypie:

light-eco-sage:

amayyy-zayn:

alabasterfrost:

image

…why do I feel so awkward reblogging this

Shoot, any time I’m at home I’m out of my shoes…

image 

No shoes

Not even socks

my feet are sluts, they’re naked all the time at home

(Source: k-isser, via saerwens)